Its not fair, its lawful

My Day in court.

So I was towed about a month ago from a spot that was not well marked so I decided to dispute it.  Anything having to do with filing papers and making a court date and going to any city building is not something I am a fan of so deciding to do this certainly wasn't for fun.  

I arrive 5 minutes before my scheduled time and big Bertha from the towing company and her Guido tow truck driver were there.  They came directly from the jail cell I am sure and they look just like the people you see on that show Repo or something like that.   I can hear a guy in the hallway on his phone talking about how much that would cost and he only takes cash and something about a pound.....the guy was negotiating a drug deal in the courthouse!  Sweet!   Finally, the judge comes in, sits down, asks if I am Mrs. Green and who else is here for the tow hearing.  I affirm that I am and then he looks over at the others, shakes his head, closes the file and says "why does this keep happening?"  He goes on to explain to me that he will have to excuse himself from the case as it would be a conflict of interest or seen as unfair if he presided over the case - he said it in some legal speak much more intelligent sounding than that.   After he left, I asked my new friends what the hell that meant and she told me that he is a retired judge who is there part time but is also a lawyer who represents them.  So, this tells me already I am at a disadvantage AND that they are always in there!  STRIKE ONE!  The next judge comes in and introduces the case in a similar way but also knows Bertha and her band and apologizes for not remembering her name.  STRIKE TWO!  He explains the process which included explanation that I present my pictures to  Bertha first and then to the judge and Bertha can ask questions about them.  Then I plead my case and already Judge Jackass is combative and badgering towards me. 

I probably wouldnt feel like I was in a state building and I guess it wouldnt be the good old judicial system if the judge didnt have a chip on his shoulder.  Heavens forbid that after all of these years of being the obi-juan-so-powerful he could possibly possess enough self confidence not to have to get his rocks off on overpowering people who are already submissive to him out of fear.  I mean the guy was here for the flood and has probably been a judge for 75 years and you think by now he might just not take himself so seriously.  I mean lighten up Francis.  That is probably his problem, his name is Francis Kate and he is taking it out on everyone else! 

So, we continue on and it is Bertha's turn to show myself and Obi-Juan her pictures so when she hands them to me and is explaining each one I start to ask questions just like she did when I was doing the same.  But Judge Jackass tells me not to be so rude and I will have a chance to ask questions and now is not the time.  Oh, Im sorry - I was actually listening when you read off how you like to conduct this thing and since she asked questions when I presented my pictures for some reason I thought I also would get to do the same, oh and that we would be all crazy and follow your procedure you senile multiple personality swine!  Silly me, I also should know that being in a state building means the Obi-Juan does as he pleases and shall change the rules as we go.  Note taken.  STRIKE THREE!  There is already a love fest between the two of them - they have lunch plans after this that were confirmed at the start of the hearing and I believe I saw her reach over and caress his face lovingly (I found that a little unprofessional myself).  Even with the affair in place he also badgers her and used a cool quote "That wont feed the bulldog!"  It was quite a show!  He keeps me on the hopeful side by still agreeing with my pictures after seeing hers and there is only one sign in question.   So, the tow truck driver who towed me himself was also there but wasnt allowed to speak until now b/c Judge Obi-Juan was going to take his sweet time in swearing him in.  I SAY WHO, I SAY WHEN, I SAY....WHO.  So, this is the time he decides to swear him in and all of a sudden the slow moving, Texas accented Judge is an auctioneer and the swearing in was done in 1.4 seconds.   Also another neat trick in the show.

So after all of the shenanigans the judge asks if I have any witnesses to which I just looked around the court and only saw the thugs in line for the next hearings which mostly involved DUI, suspended license, no insurance, destruction of public property, urinating in the street......you know the cream of the crop of law abiding people.  Nobody appeared to be qualified so I declined a witness and was on to my closing arguments.  But first the judge recites what he has seen and says.....and I wish he said this sooner..."Im not trying to be fair, Im trying to be lawful"  Well, that pretty much sums it up. STRIKE FOUR! (Yes, I know that hockey doesn't have 4 strikes, only 3...just trying to be funny here people).  So, if they are even a tiny bit lawful but completely unfair, immoral, sneaky and slimey about it, thats acceptable.  By the way, earlier in his multiple  personality disorder information spew he said that it doesn't have to be proved beyond a reasonable doubt I just have to tip the scales more in my favor by having both fairness and the law being taken into consideration. But not if is is fair, no sir-ree, nope, cant be fair.  Not gonna do it.  I also used this in my closing which I dont think he appreciated.

I couldnt help but chuckle as I stood up to give my closing arguments at what an opportunity this would be to go on and on and recite parts of the constitution, throw in some Few Good Men quotes, and end with some tears!  One thing is for sure is that the courtroom is no place for smiles or humor. And certainly not a place for fairness...only lawfulness.  I cant help but wonder if they were being fair but unlawful....what would happen then?  Everything would be all catywompus!

I hate things that make kids giddy with joy

Let me just begin with telling you that one of my favorite sounds is the laughter of kids or babies even when they laugh like hyenas in heat. But there are some toys and items in our world that I just find ZERO use for. There are parents who think they are funny by putting them in a goody bag at a party or they give them as a gift to your kid to either start a war or get back at you for something you did. Now, there are plenty of things I do outwardly and for the humor of it and yes, they do sometimes end up with a pay-back.....for the smart ones. A few examples:
Hey Jen....thanks for the whistles in the goody bags - you are swell......this mom paid me back with silly putty
But I must say that the whistles were actually straws and I didn't know they were whistles until HER kids got them and I did have special bags for her kids b/c she gave them GUM last time!
Oh Balloons, I LOVE balloons, need more of them - especially in the summer when all of the fans in the house are on! OR when your kid cowers from balloons b/c one POPPED in her face that one time when she finally did get up the courage to move closer to this odd floating being.

Here is a quick list:
Silly String
Balloons
Bath Markers
Bath Foam
Bath Bubbles....anything BATH
Bubbles
Whistles
party horns
gum
packing peanunts
bubble wrap
finger paints
silly putty
finger paints
bouncy bouncy balls - the ones they can fit perfectly in their mouth
craft gifts of any kind - you have the sand making stuff, puppet making toys, create your own bubble bath, easy bake oven, cupcake machine, purse knitting, make your own silk-screen-sun-dyed-handprint-tie died-pillow kit, and the favorite of all the baby hand plaster set...wait actually the crystal and geode making set....THAT one tops it (but was actually MY idea)!

Yeah, so you get the gist of it, pretty much anything that requires my assistance (aka: I HAVE to do it MYSELF), requires an iron or any heat source, has anything to do with my washing machine (aka: RUINING any load that comes through in the next 6 months, at least if I don't want some random spot of purple on it), anything that breeds or creates more of a mess than a 2yr old can clean up in a 2 foot radius, anything that doesn't return immediate gratification like the geode making was 10 days for the FIRST step!!! Anything that melts which means it could melt in my car, anything that stains, anything that needs more than a 1 time set of attention...like a plant or a fish or something like that...like living..., anything that takes up more space than a shoebox, and especially (and i know every parent would agree) is anything that makes noise.....even those adorable, irresistible little zhu zhu pets that squeak and such....those things never stop. We had one loose in the house for 3 days after Christmas!!!

But really, despite all of this I really AM a toy lover! Its just that the toys I love and pick out aren't real crowd pleasers. Playing cards, wad of paper that you throw in a basket, pretend anything.....and....well....yeah - that about covers it.