OK, so this shouldn't really be news to anyone and maybe is more of a public service announcement but really there is no excuse for halitosis! The nose is conveniently located on the same face and in direct proximity to the mouth....so the breath that flows from the mouth travels upward right into the nose therefore enabling you to smell your own breath IMMEDIATELY. I know when I have bad breath and I can either do something about it or divert the out-flowing air away from living beings.
Coffee, smoke, morning breath, garlic, onions are all gimmes so I can almost understand that if you havent directly participated in any of those how you may think that you are exempt from having bad breath.......but really just do us all a favor and carry a mint or gum and now and then pay attention to the person backing away as you enter their personal space. And if necessary do the hand in front of the face and hot breath HAAAAH thing while sniffing.....very similar to the back stroke scoop up the air under your arm thing but a little less animated and obvious.
I think age 5 is when you can officially enter the world of bad breath....the puppy breath stage is over. Speaking of that.... what about puppy breath - its smells like a skunk but why is it that we LOVE puppy breath. Another one of life's mysteries!
I do love when my kids get in bed with me but when they have horrid breath like they havent ever seen a toothbrush I am not so enamored with them. I actually want to turn the other way or make them leave.....It makes snuggling a little challenging....as does near combustion that happens when we cuddle. Its really too bad that such a wonderful thing is so easily ruined by either bad breath or your skin on fire.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Monday, May 3, 2010
Catholic Communion
So a few weeks ago my grandfather died. He was 89 and lived a long wonderful satisfying life so it was more of a celebration! The service was a traditional Catholic Mass service. I have not gone to a Catholic mass in a very long time. During and after the service I remembered why. At what age are you exempt from all of that kneeling, standing, sitting business? Im not that old but that is hard on the worn knees! And then there is the communion.....our church does communion but a little different - will get into this in a minute.
So as you know communion is sharing the body of Christ with 300 of your closest friends on a weekly basis. How big was this man anyhow and how on earth did he turn into a case of wafers? Just kidding people. So, I wait in the line, get my wafer and onto the next line for the 'wine'. Well, Im not sure where they got this moonshine but I could smell it from 4 feet away. So in the Catholic Church it is a communal glass that everyone drinks from. Now, not having done this in a while I figured surely with the Mad Cow, Meningitis, and herpes they would have moved away from this communal glass but no - sharing the love. I walk up and he has wiped the rim that the last cold sore, strep throat, swine flu person just drank from - with a nice decorative holy handkerchief. I feel much better about slugging down the spit now. I am hoping not to get struck down during my grandfathers funeral service but risked it anyhow and looked at the priest and said (as best I could with the wafer stuck to the roof of my mouth) "do I have to drink it?" He said "not if you dont want to". OH THANK GOD I screamed (in my head).
So I go back to my bench, kneel and pray still with the in-tact wafer stuck to the roof of my mouth. Luckily it was stuck in there pretty good or I would have spit it out when one of the elderly men YELLED AMEN when he got his. WHOA - we can hear you for crying out loud!
Once everyone had participated the priests went back to the alter and one of them just downed the rest of the whiskey like he was at a fraternity party - I was worried he was about to do an alter stand!! So glad he didnt b/c I fear for what was under the robe (or what wasnt). It was a pretty hefty serving of the moonshine and I am worried to be on the road with him driving but it might be rude for me to try to take his keys!
Our church has edible wheat thin like cracker that you almost want a whole handful of and some dip. And you get your own tiny little shot of grape juice as your wine.
It has been 3 weeks and I think I still have some of that wafer stuck in my teeth.
So as you know communion is sharing the body of Christ with 300 of your closest friends on a weekly basis. How big was this man anyhow and how on earth did he turn into a case of wafers? Just kidding people. So, I wait in the line, get my wafer and onto the next line for the 'wine'. Well, Im not sure where they got this moonshine but I could smell it from 4 feet away. So in the Catholic Church it is a communal glass that everyone drinks from. Now, not having done this in a while I figured surely with the Mad Cow, Meningitis, and herpes they would have moved away from this communal glass but no - sharing the love. I walk up and he has wiped the rim that the last cold sore, strep throat, swine flu person just drank from - with a nice decorative holy handkerchief. I feel much better about slugging down the spit now. I am hoping not to get struck down during my grandfathers funeral service but risked it anyhow and looked at the priest and said (as best I could with the wafer stuck to the roof of my mouth) "do I have to drink it?" He said "not if you dont want to". OH THANK GOD I screamed (in my head).
So I go back to my bench, kneel and pray still with the in-tact wafer stuck to the roof of my mouth. Luckily it was stuck in there pretty good or I would have spit it out when one of the elderly men YELLED AMEN when he got his. WHOA - we can hear you for crying out loud!
Once everyone had participated the priests went back to the alter and one of them just downed the rest of the whiskey like he was at a fraternity party - I was worried he was about to do an alter stand!! So glad he didnt b/c I fear for what was under the robe (or what wasnt). It was a pretty hefty serving of the moonshine and I am worried to be on the road with him driving but it might be rude for me to try to take his keys!
Our church has edible wheat thin like cracker that you almost want a whole handful of and some dip. And you get your own tiny little shot of grape juice as your wine.
It has been 3 weeks and I think I still have some of that wafer stuck in my teeth.
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