Trophy Wife

I think that if I get on the scale and it goes down even an ounce that a male cheer squad should jump out with confetti and balloons and carry me around the house for a few laps!  Same goes when I pass on a piece of pizza or ice cream or even sweet tea - someone should run up and give me a trophy!  But unfortunately neither of these things will be happening because I am not refusing anything that is offered to me while sitting here on the couch.  

Now Daddy goes off and exercises every day and the kids associate the gym and running and healthy this and that with Daddy. If ever I did decide to do anything that involved physical exertion other than getting into my jeans or trying to get a marker or gum away from one of these little ones Im pretty sure it wouldn't be anywhere anyone could witness the sight so they aren't exactly associating me with the same coolness. 6 yr old told me this week that I am just a lazy, lazy, always tired mommy who just likes to sleep. YEAH, I do like to sleep....during the DARK hours - the rule around here is if it is still DARK outside it is NOT WAKE TIME!!!! Go play in the street. Just be sure to wear your glow in the dark clothes and bring a whistle.......hell just bring the gun. If anything you can throw it at the perp or Mt Lion coming after you, by then lets hope it is light out and I will rise from my LAZY ass to help you. Saleswoman she is not - is this how you start your 'what I want for breakfast' plea...by calling me lazy? I'll show you lazy - get me a beer damn it! Im out of breath just typing this and get winded thinking about exercise. I had to sit down the other day after looking up and down for scotch tape!

Something I don't get is WHY, no matter WHERE I am sitting or standing this child finds a way to affix herself to me and before I know it she is like a boa constrictor around my neck.  Before I even sit down she is already seated on my lap - how is that even possible?  And then the whole fight of who gets to sit next to mommy.  I need one of those preschool tables that has the spot in the middle for the teacher and it seats kids around it in a U shape.   Or maybe I will just say NOBODY, I am sitting at that table over there - table for 1 please.

Side-note.   Watching animal planet and there are only so many happy animal shows they can come up with so now they are on to medical saviors of animals - one of which is a hookworm.  I think I might vomit.  The hookworm as a cure for asthma!  Oh, and by the way, of course you cant just take a hookworm pill you have to walk on human feces to get it!  Awesome, sign me up!   I cant even watch this, oh but then it gets better - a spa with snakes that massage - basically you have snakes sliver all over you rather than fingers of a person.....this part I absolutely cant watch and I mean it this time!!

OK, none of these really have a point. Oh well, get over it.