Broken Toe

How sad that I have been too busy for a post since Tuesday? There goes your theory H that I have TOO much time on my hands and I am sitting around eating Bon Bons floating in the pool with an assistant taking my calls! (by the way, I have been meaning to talk to you about your slacking in that area) You know you have logged into this looking for something new and fresh for the Jster! :)

OK, so I am sure I broke my toe. And not like the time I was doing my floor routine during the Olympics b/c I was so inspired and wanted to prove to Randy that I could do a cartwheel and ended up with a limp.....broken toe...maybe sprained.

So a few weeks ago a pair of scissors feel off the counter onto my foot (yes, this is going to be exciting....but dont pass on a hot date to read it) and basically I should have just stabbed myself in the toe with a fruit knife b/c all of a sudden there is blood everywhere and I have no idea if I have a full toe left or not. So I wrap it up as tight as I can to stop the bleeding and not pass out. And then I went to bed. The next day I am getting dressed to go to work and I cant even walk on that foot and have a limp like the war veterans begging for money at the corner of 71 and 290. I took off the old bandaid, sprayed it with windex and put on a new bandaid....but couldnt walk right nor put on a pair of closed toed shoes or anything with a heel that would put me into adulthood so I was forced to wear my 'fancy' flip flops with work pants - boy was I dressed to impress that day!

So it throbs throughout the day and I just left the bandaid on afraid to see what portion of the toe was cut off. What I should have done is taken an inventory during the floor clean up to see what was left behind and not attached. So drinking is really the only option to get me through the mourning and through until the morning.

Wow, who knew I could get 3 paragraphs from the toe incident. But basically to put you out of your misery and get to a point it has been 3 weeks and the toe is still not right. The worst part really is that I havent had a pedicure because I dont want to get Cancer or swine flu from the pedi-cest-bath touching my festering wound. So today I took out all of the pedi materials to attempt to take off the 12 layers of color I have been coating on to get by and I guess I must have left the pedi materials strewn about the bathroom floor b/c just a little while ago after a few adult beverages I stepped on....tripped over.....fumbled ....whatever you want to say over one tiny polish bottle on the floor and I think I broke the side of my foot, 1 toe, and tore a ligament in my shoulder. Man is sucks getting old.

I guess I will know in the morning if I will make it through - right after one of the offspring grabs the arm that is usually hanging off of the bed (probably the one with the broken ligaments) and then jumps on the bed and takes off my eye patch, all the while smiling happily b/c THEY are morning people and havent yet learned (which for survival purposes they should) that I am not......INSTEAD of being queit as a mouse and making their own breakfast, changing the baby's diaper and then headed upstairs to watch TV quietly!! I am not asking a lot I think. Now, if I were to add that they should bring mommy some ice water and excederin THEN I am pushing it.

ANYHOW, I digress - so I think the toe was the topic and the closing will be that the girls need to learn to get everything all taken care of before even talking to me in the morning. I will write an instruction manual on that one and maybe the 6 year old readers of the world will proactively buy it and follow it for a surpise mothers day gift!!!

Cheers