Mane Tamer

OK, so I just spent 2 hours at the hair salon to get my hair chemically straightened. The first 10 minutes the lady answered the phone - no kidding - 4 times. One after the other. Does she not have an ANSWERING machine? The name indicates that this would be a MACHINE that AUTOMATICALLY answers the phone for you so you can PAY ATTENTION to the person in front of you! The person being me, who is already worried that she isnt reading the label right and I will have clumps of my hair washed down the drain while she is on the phone......I thought about offering a tutorial on this new fandangled machine but we did finally make it out of the wash basin to the dryer. I am worried this whole time that I am there too long, my hair under this plastic is going to com-bust and then be permanently part plastic!

Oh, let me back up a second and clarify my salon experiences. Very limited. I had a perm when I was 10 and probably because that was such a train wreck, I have never, ever, not even once since then have done any chemical anything to my hair. So, basically this whole thing freaks me out and I am worried I will just end up bald. So to add to the stress of this decision I am talking to a friend on the way over who says "you researched it right? What did the reviews say" NO, I didnt look it up like I do most things - even the brand of diapers and soap I use!!!! So, I did a very brief phone internet look up and found goose egg, nothing, nada, donut. Oh well, I am wild and crazy like that, living by the seat of my pants. This is the only 2 hours I will have to myself for another month, why not spend it ruining my OK hair.

I digress (shocking). So, we moved to the dryer. Wasnt too long even for ADD, impatient me. Back over to rinse then to the chair for the 'treatment'. Before making the appointment when I quizzed her about every aspect of this process one thing I do remember her telling me was that the new and improved product didnt have the nasty chemical toxic smell that makes your eyes water, your skin burn, and your nose hairs curl. Well, I guess she was misinformed b/c even just taking the top off of the 4oz squeeze bottle with the minor 1cm opening filled the room, or at least MY area of the room, with that special odor of blue-hair salon color/perm/nail fillings. She says "well, I guess this one does have a little smell" A LITTLE - clearly she has sniffed too much of it in her career. Of course, my first question is 'when can I wash my hair?'

Im in it to win it now, no going back. My favorite part about any hair place is how they brush your hair and how they section it off not to leave any child behind. So, I am all sectioned off and she is applying away in between phone calls. Again, I am thinking 'what is going to happen if this is on too long or she really gets side-tracked by some crazy call......like maybe she is running a 900 number on the side...' So half-way through the application a beautiful, custom paint job, Alfa Spider pulls up and the guy comes in. Before he opens the door she says very annoyed (while on the phone) "he is lost, they always are" Ya think???!!! He comes in with his papers in his hand and she doesnt even turn around and hanging up the phone says curtly "can I help you?" Well, yes he is lost looking for an address of a lawn and garden service - he holds up his map and says it is right around here somewhere. We are both telling him there are no other businesses for miles and he says holding up his papers "it says right here they have 70 employees" So, he wants to use the phone but (shocking) it is ringing at the time so he has to wait for the operator to get off of the phone. So he is just standing there looking at the papers as if maybe he missed something in the 4 word address!

So, lets go back a second - this man is probably late 50s or so and from the front he clearly has an artificial head of hair (rug) and from the side it does blend nicely and from the back you cant tell at all. The very first thing I think even before he came in and knowing he was lost was 'you are driving an Alfa Romeo and 1) you dont have a cell phone? and 2) didnt the car come with either a cool thing called NAVIGATION or maybe a button where you can talk to a nice lady named Candy who will walk you to your destination and C) What in the world are you doing looking for a 'lawn service' way the hell out here? Im thinking it wasnt exactly a 'lawn service' but more of a 'happy ending' service!!!

So, back to my hair. Nothing much to report on the process except the cool odor, the lady, the guy, his car and the fact that I just gave up 2 hours and paid $140 for a smell and some major dryness added to my hair. As my husband says - dont fix what aint broke and I just needed something to complain about!!!